"You are looking worried this morning, Anakin. What's the problem?"
     "It's nothing I cannot handle."
     "I thought we agreed not to have secrets from each other."
     "You wouldn't understand."
     "Is it another woman?"
     "Of course not."
     "Another man?"
     "Now you are being ridiculous."
     "Then explain, please."
     "Ok, you asked for it. I received a letter this morning which I don't understand."
     "What does it say?"
     "I can't read it. It is in code."
     "Read it out to me. Maybe I can make sense of it."
     He frowned and began to read. "If more holo deck you do, then to the dark side go you will. Once there, return you will not to the light. It's gibberish!"
     Padmé laughed. "No, that's Yoda."
     "So what does it mean? Am I going to be tempted to the Dark Side of the Force?"
     She shook her head. "Naah, I've seen that movie. The hero gets all proud and haughty and becomes a heavy breather called Fart Blader."
     "Phew, that's a relief."
     "So when were you last on the holo-deck?"
     "I go in occasionally, trying to make my light sabre longer and harder."
     "You may be an excellent Jedi, Anakin. But your reading sucks. It doesn't say 'holo-deck', it says 'Holo-Dick'."
     It was Anakin's turn to frown. "What's that?"
     "Well, er..." she looked guilty. "...It's a programme I found there on the computer once. It was left there by mistake by OB1-KaNobie."
     "Obey had a holo-deck programme called Holo-Dick? What's it about?"
     "You really would not want to know."
     "Have you used it?"
     "Er, yes."
     "And is it good? Exciting?"
     "Well, kind of."
     "What do you mean 'kind of'?
     "It was meant for a man, not a woman."
    "So what would Obey need with a Holo-Dick programme?"
     "Have to never noticed anything...odd... about OB1?"
     "Odd?"
     "Srange, unusual."
     "Not that I can think of."
     "Never in all the years you've been his apprentice?"
     "What are you getting at?"
     "Have you ever seen him with a woman?"
     "You think Obey is gay????"
     "I don't think so, I know so."
     "How?"
     "From that Holo-Dick programme. The issue that he had was a little basic, of course, but...."
     Anakin's mouth dropped open. "How do you know?"
     "Because I acted the part of his schoolboy in all the scenes."
    "You let Obey fuck your ass?"
     "Not for real. It was only a holo-deck programme."
     "But you were there, acting out the part, as if it was him up you?"
     "Of course. I was only young, with little tits. I could easily have been a boy."
     "How many times did you do this?"
     "A few hundred times, I guess."
     "And did you like it?"
    "Oh, yes. It gave me a sense of real purpose."
     "But to do it with OB1?"
     "There were others, of course."
     "Others?"
     "Other men who wanted to fuck my ass."
     "And you let them???"
     "Yes, once I got done by the entire Australian Rugby Club. They fucked me for hours, taking it in turns."
    "Didn't you ever get sore?"
     She nodded. "Sometimes. That's when I learned that there were other ways to please a guy."
     "You gave Obey a blow-job?"
     "I gave them all blow jobs. It was fun."
    "And they never once imagined that I was a girl."